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Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sex and the Virgin

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”


I LOVE SEX AND THE CITY. It really is one of my favorite shows.

It's really hard for people to believe that. You are probably thinking “Really Selina?? You like that show?” It's certainly not because of the show, but because of who I am. I am AWKWARD. I giggle about it and have had very few serious conversations about sex. I am the girl who turns around when sex scenes pop up in movies (OK, I look away even if it's just an intense kissing scene). That's just the way I was raised and even to this day it just seems so natural to turn around.

I still remember this one time, sophomore year in high school, we were watching
Schindler's List in History and nudity popped up and I instantly turned around. Embarrassingly my friend Alec did notice and yes, he teased me about it.

But I have noticed that that is the thing people notice the most about me--how awkward I am when it comes to sex.

Nonetheless, I love the show (the edited TV versions of course).

Sex and the City is a show that tells the story of a columnist, Carrie Bradshaw and her thoughts on sex, dating, men, relationships and love. For the most part I find her funny and insightful. She is accompanied by her three friends, Samantha (the PR manager), Miranda (the lawyer) and Charlotte (the art dealer). All four are eclectic and different, yet they make a perfect circle of friends. The show highlights all the good and bad of dating and relationships (or the lack there of).

Now, I'll be honest I don't love the show because it talks about sex, but I don't mind it either. I love the show because through all the heartache and drama it gives me the sense of love being real and attainable.

This show wanted to make me write my own column about sex and dating. However, it was short lived when everything I knew about sex could have been summed up into one column.

There are a few things that I have learned about relationships in my limited experience.

I have yet to feel true love. I have felt admiration and certainly I have felt infatuation. I have loved, but never been in love. I have wanted to be in love—but it just wasn't the right time.

There are different kinds of relationships:


1. There is the “hanging out” relationship.

Basically you have someone to go to the movies with and if you're hungry, someone to eat dinner with. This is a friend-to-friend kind of relationship. The most common kind.

2. The “I really want to date you” relationship

These are a little more rare. A guy likes you so much-- he is insistent and consistent on wanting to hang out and do nice things for you. These sometimes lead to other kind of relationships but are not as meaningful as number 5.

3. The “text message” relationship

He's really sweet and says all the right things---but they're always said in text or instant message. Either you don't get to see a lot of each other OR it's just easier this way. These often die off quickly and abruptly. After all, if you delete an unmemorized number from your phone book you can definitely avoid calling someone at 3 a.m.

4. The good ol' “she's crazy and we're not in a relationship” relationship

This is the kind of relationship where it's all in your head. You think that you are dating but really you hung out once and in your mind you skipped all the steps in between. These are the hardest to break from.

And last but not least...

5. A real relationship

This kind can start from one of the previous stated relationships or it can just be an instant connection. This kind of relationship is substantial. This is when you have all the potential to meet the love of your life and/or have your heartbroken.

Carrie dates all the wrong guys until she finally ends up with the right one (who was the one that was always there).

Watching Carrie I did realize, it wasn't really what she was doing right or wrong, but rather, it was the guys that she was choosing to date. My friend is always telling me, “you date for the experience” and I'm great at the first date, it's the second and third date that I'm not so good at.

My life in Morocco was a time in my life where I really opened up to a lot of things. I learned to be optimistic and learned to say to myself “it's OK to be excited and happy”.

It was a country of tall, dark and handsomes—throw in a pair of glasses and a deep voice and you had me at hello. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I wouldn't love a blond with blue eyes. It just means that I (think I) am willing to try to go outside of my comfort zone, just like I did in Morocco.

I have been on some pretty awkward dates. I ended up on a date with a guy, who I didn't actually catch his name, but I think he said it was Eduardo. He didn't actually speak English and we only agreed because we thought his friend was cute and spoke English. The friend never showed up and instead it was some dude who didn't speak French and he def didn't speak English. In my 30 minute conversation with Eduardo I understood that he called me nisareen (which was what he decided my Arabic name should be), said he was a black belt in Tai Kwon Do (doubtful, very doubtful), worked out of Dubai (yeah, right. I am sure he does) and studied literature. We had coffee by the river and then Ally and I made a dash for it. He offered to take us to Prive (the “it” club and expensive). This may have been one of the most awkward dates, who am I kidding, this is the most awkward date I have EVER been on. 

If I could only explain it to you, you would understand.

If could open up to this I should be able to go on a few less awkward dates.

What I have learned from my experience and what Carrie has taught me is that I should not date someone I would not marry. It's too difficult to end something like that.

Non-negotiables.
Find your own.

I'm excited to see what I think about all this three or four relationships from now!

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