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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Be Your Own Beautiful

So here is to me laying it all out on the line…

Three weeks ago I made a decision. I decided I was done being the person that I am. By that I mean I was done being an unhappy, confused and lost girl who didn't feel very pretty or smart.

On top of it all there are two things that I am very self-conscious about: my weight and my intelligence.

I know, you're not supposed to admit things like this. When you're someone like me, who grew up in a happy home, with parents who always told me that I was pretty and smart, you're not supposed to think this way. But the truth is I do.

 At least I did.

Well, one day I stepped on the scale and it said 225. I  took a long hard look in the mirror and I asked myself "How did you let it get this far?" I needed to understand, but I just couldn't. In high school I thought I was so fat. I weighed 170 lbs (10 lbs over from my healthy goal weight). I look at those pictures now and I realize I looked good. Why did I feel fat??

I was an emotional eater. My whole family is. We don’t have a lot of money, so to show that we cared we fed our love. Our family treat? Going out to dinner. Doing something fun together? Getting something to eat. Everything surrounded food. I know that I have always had a healthy appetite and it's not going away anytime soon, but come on Selina, YOU HAVE GOT TO CONTROL IT.

So I did what I do best. I researched and I investigated. I am testing my body in workouts. I work out about 5 times a week. I have completely changed my eating habits. Lots of greens, yogurt and oatmeal. I finally understand what a complex carb is and how many calories are really in a plate of Chinese food. Understanding and knowing. Those are two important keys to success.

It's not a magic ticket. It's hard and I HATE WORKING OUT. But there is no other way. There are no shortcuts. I want to be a better me and I am going to have to fight my biggest enemy: ME.

There are three things that I know now that I didn't before. I am strong (physically). I can push myself to do things I always said I couldn't. I'm not running 5 miles yet, but I will get there.

I have support. I have stopped eating dinner with my family and no one is bugging me about it. My parents, when they go to the store, they buy me yogurt and chose the healthier food options. I make my dad drive me to the gym so he'll work out with me. I encourage my mom to walk on the treadmill for at least 20 mins. These are all baby steps but they are also BIG steps for my family. I have two friends that I talk to three times a week. We meet to work out and we share a healthy snack. We're not afraid to tell each other how we feel about being fat, because we understand each other.

Also, I cheat. If there is something that I really want I eat it. Just a nibble or so. But this will keep me from overeating later.

I am going to succeed.

P.S. I stepped on the scale this morning. Current weight: 212 lbs

1 comment:

  1. wow nina....its hard to believe sometimes that other people go through the same issues with weight as I do...especially family.
    first i want to tell you that i admire your courage to blog about this, i dont think i ever could. second im glad your doing this, it serves as a motivation for me too. I have had the same issues as you, but i have decided to take a slightly different route. I have decided to become a vegetarian. I know that it will be a bit difficult but i believe that it will be for the best. As you stated and demostrated i have to educate myself first. Im reading information, recipes, and life stories to help me slowly ease into this life style.
    I glad to begin this new journey of enlightenment with you.
    ps...ill be sure to check your blog regularly :)